I have some words of wisdom for you. When a doctor says “When was the last time you had a tetanus shot?” The right answer is always “Yesterday.” Yes, that’s right. I stupidly said “Uh, I don’t remember.” That’s always the wrong answer. Answer firmly and surely: YESTERDAY. My freakin’ arm is killing me.

And when the nurse with the needle says “Which arm do you want the blood draw in?” The correct answer is always “The one you didn’t just give me the tetanus shot in.” Not stupidly: The same arm. Because when they blow a vein AND give you a tetanus shot all in the same arm, it effin hurts. Oh it hurts.

This insightful piece of wisdom brought to you by the effin’ idiot who didn’t know the correct answers. Typing hurts. Must stop now.

P.S. Further words of wisdom: When the nurse says “Uh oh, that’s gonna bruise.” Be alarmed. Very alarmed. Medical personnel should not be allowed to utter “Uh oh.”