807 Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.
808 Do you have a boyfriend? [No] Want one? [Yes] Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me.
809 Do you want to see something swell?
810 Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP!
811 Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?
812 Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?
813 Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
814 I am conducting a field test of how many woman have pierced nipples.
815 I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.
816 I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
817 I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade.
818 My friend and I have a bet that you won't take off you blouse in a public place.
819 No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
820 Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?
821 Pardon me, are you in heat?!
822 Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?
823 So, you're a girl huh?
824 Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.
825 Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.
826 Would you like to come over to my place later? You can bring some friends because my face seats fiv e.
827 You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.
828 You make my software turn to hardware!
829 You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
830 To a girl with braces, and if you have them as well: "Hey, wanna hook up sometime?"
831 If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
832 Pardon me, have you seen my missing Nobel Prize around here anywhere?
833 Are you accepting applications for your fan club?
834 Hey baby... drop that zero and get with the hero in other words... you better come with me.
835 Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?
836 My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to
837 Hi... would you fuck me? I'd fuck me, I'd fuck me real hard!!
838 Is your name Pepsi cause' I've gotta have it.
839 There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself.....
840 Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
841 When I first saw you, I knew we could win the Stanley Cup in tonsil hockey.
842 Want to taste my dick? (What!?!) I said, "do you want to taste my drink?"
843 They call me "coffee". I grind so fine.
844 Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my dick?
845 Which one of the Spice girls are you?
846 Male: Hey, I don't feel to good. Female: Why? Male: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach. Female: What? Male: (looking down) I think his truck is already sticking out.
847 Weren't you at the tractor pull last night? I remember your tits.
848 Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.
849 (Used while you and a male friend wear a bib. Walk up and stare at breasts) Mama!
850 This is a test of the emergency pick up line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pick up line.
851 Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
852 Guy: I bet you're a C-cup. Girl: How'd you know that? Guy: My testicles are the same size.
853 My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in
854 Did your father have sex with a carrot? Cause you've got nice eyes.
855 I'm bigger and better than the Titanic..... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic
856 Can I take you to the Bone-yard?
857 I may not be dairy queen but I'll treat you right!!!
858 Tickle your pussy with a feather? (What?) I said, "Particularly nice weather."
859 My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.
860 Did you just sit in a water puddle, or are you just happy to see me?
861 Damn, have you been eating beans and rice lately?
862 I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?
863 I just shit into my pants. Can I get into yours?
864 Do you like magic? (Yes or No) I want to cast a spell on you with my magic meat wand.
865 For what sort of person are you looking? Wait- don't tell me: medium height, blue eyes, etc...
866 Roses are red, violets are blue, I have warts, so will you.
867 Don't worry about the missing teeth. It just means that there is more room for your tongue.
868 Are you menstruating? If so, I know how to insert tampons.
869 I can see you. [Uh, yeah.] Great! Then how about tomorrow.
870 Hi, I'm foreign. I've got Russian hands and Roman fingers.
871 Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.
872 So you wanna get laid? Then crawl up a chicken's butt and wait.
873 If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable.
874 Can you help me up? My dick is too big.
875 Can I borrow 70 cents? (No) Then how about 69. I'm sure you can offer 69.
876 Excuse me, but do you have tickets? (Tickets for what?) (Points to arm and flex) To the gun show!
877 You remind me of Pokemon. I just wanna piccachu.
878 Beww BEWWW Beww (What?) That is the sound of the ambulance coming to pick me up because when I saw you my heart stopped!
879 Good day for weather.
880 You know what you and corn have in common? (No) Absolutely nothing! (laugh hysterically at yourself.)
881 I wet my pants... can I get in yours?
882 Got two nipples for a dime?
883 Are you Natasha, my contact?
884 You must be this beautiful (make hand gesture for small height) to ride the me.
885 You're so hot, your ass is on fire.
886 If you were a dwarf, you'd probably say I got a big dick.
887 You know, when you and I get old and your son/daughter comes up to me and says "Daddy, how did you meet mommy?" I'm gonna have to tell him/her how quiet you were, or how difficult you were being."
888 OK, it's not very big and I'm not very good, but I've got the cutest little way of getting on and off.
889 Drive around like a car and make screeching sounds and say "Uh, sorry, my uh, breaks aren't working well. Where are you headed?"
890 Excuse me. Do you have chicken in your fridge? (yes) How big are your breasts?
891 It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.
892 Um, you have really beautiful.....uh....eyes, yea. You are pretty. What I mean is... You have a nice forehead. (Messing Up) Do you believe in when I walk by..... (To yourself) Oh Man, shit, STUPID STUPID STUPID!
893 Be unique and different, say yes.
894 Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
895 Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
896 Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?
897 Hi. Are you cute?
898 I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.
899 I'm easy. Are you?
900 I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
901 I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
902 Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
903 So....How am I doin'?
904 You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
905 Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one?(if yes: Want another one?)
906 Do you have a boyfriend? (Yes) Do you mess around? (No) Would you hold still while I do?
907 When she's leaving:"Hey, where are you going?" Answer:"home." You:"You're not just gonna leave me here like this are you?"
908 Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
909 Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
910 Does your boyfriend know where you are?
911 The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
912 If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
913 (Approach a group of them) I'm gonna have sex with you, you, and you. Alright, who's first?
914 (give the person a bottle of tequila) Drink this, then call me when you're ready.
915 Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
916 Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.
917 As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!
918 I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.
919 All this could be yours for one low, low price!
920 Believe it or not, gettin' laid is still hard when you're this good-looking.
921 I'm friendly and slow moving!
922 (Walk over to her)"Ok, you can stand next to me, as long as you don't talk about it."
923 Chicks dig me. I wear colored underwear.
924 Come on, you can't get pregnant again.
925 Did you know that the word 'motel' spelled backwards means 'letom'?
926 Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?
927 Do you think I could borrow that dress/bustier sometime?
928 Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm....weird chick.
929 Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get 'em while they're hot!
930 Have you run into any trees lately? Then how bout a root!
931 Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.
932 HI! Can I buy you a car?
933 Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
934 I found this [lace glove, rosary, etc.] on the floor at the club last night, is it yours? Well, if it's not, I'd like to give it to you anyway.
935 I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting.. Let's meet sometime...
936 Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's
937 Want to see my stamp collection?
938 What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?
939 You know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.
940 You have the ass of a great artist.
941 If I pet you, would you follow me home?
942 Greetings and salivations
943 Chicks dig me because I rarely wear any underwear, and when I do it is usually something eroticaly exotic...want to see?
944 I need to dump my load. Do you mind waiting for me on the bonnet of my car?
945 Pardon me, can I borrow your spatula?
946 I have big feet.
947 Not only can I palm an NBA basketball, I wear a 13 1/2 size shoe
948 I want you to have my children. In fact, you can have them right now, they're out in the car.



A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.

I thought that I could love no other
until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"