A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"

* An Ant saw strawberry juice & shouted: "Aaaah at last I visited the red sea!!!!"

**Two cockroaches were admitted in ICU,
The first Cockroach asked: "Raid???"
The second Cockroach replied: "No, Shoe!!!"

**An NRI sent a blank sms to his wife, why?
He didn't want to talk to her!!!

**A man hit his brand new car in to the wall, why?
He wanted to test whether the airbags are working!!!

**Policeman caught a drunk man & asked: "Why your eyes are red?", The drunk man replied: "Actually i drunk tomato sauce while i was sleeping!!!"

**Two mad people were fighting on motorcycle, why?
They were arguing about 'who will sit near the window'!!!

**A drunk man opened his fridge & saw the jelly shaking.
So he said: "don't worry dear, i will not eat u now!!!"

** A drunk man gave his mobile to his friend & said: "please send a sms to my girlfriend, because my hand-writing is very bad!!!

** One American came first time to India, & asked what does "minimum" means in Hindi??? A man replied: "kam se kam". So the next day during a conversation with an Indian, the American man wanted to say “We have the maximum cold”, so he said "we have go se go cold in America" (opposite of come se come)

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
"Please wait someone else is using it."
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together. They made a decision, one day to make it "yesterday once more". They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young. The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his sweetheart to come. But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset.

Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned: "Why didn't you come to our date?"

Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly: "Mom didn't allow me to go..." : ) ......