1)We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!

2)I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING

3) All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.

4) If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

5) When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

6) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

7) Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

9) I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

10) Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

11) Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

12) First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

13) Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

14) Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!

15) Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.

16) Bad sex is better then a good day in school.

17) Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

1 Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…

19) Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......

20) My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...

21) Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?

22) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

23) Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…

24) If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…

25) Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!

26) Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............

27) Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

2 It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?

Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

I think the sun shines out of your arse.

Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.

Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.

Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop

Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo

If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat

If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in

Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?

Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut

Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going

Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails

When geese fly in a "V", why is one side longer?
Because there are more geese on that side

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work

What did the turkey say to the chicken?
Gobble gobble

Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them, they'd break

Which side of the chicken has he most feathers?
The outside

Doctor, I can t stop behaving like a dog.
How long have you been acting this way?
Since I was a puppy!

Two snakes meet each other..
First snake: I hope I am not poisonous.
Second snake: Why?
First snake: Because I bit my lip!

Q : What do stylish frogs wear?
A : Jumpsuits!

Q : What did the frog order at McDonald's?
A : French flies and a diet Croak

Q : How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
A : Unhoppy

Q : What goes, 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump &
A : A centipede with a wooden leg

Q : What do you get from a pampered cow?
A : Spoiled milk.

What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A : Light mouse work

Q : How do you identify a bald eagle?
A : All his feathers are combed over to one side

How do you circumcise a whale?
A : You need at least four skin divers

Q. WHY DID SANTA SING TAKE OFF HIS CLOTHES WHILE WRITING EXAMS?
A. COZ IT WAS WRITTEN IN THE PAPER"ANSWER IN BRIEF.

Q. WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF LAZINESS?
A. A COUPLE ADOPTING A CHILD.

Q. WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF POSSESSIVENESS?
a. constiPATION.

Q. WHAT DO YOU CALL A WOMAN WHO KNOWS WHERE HER HUSBAND IS EVERY NIGHT?
A. WIDOW

Q. WHY AMERICANS STOP PRINTING STAMPS WITH PHOTO OF PAMEELA ANDERSON?
A. COZ PEOPLE STARTED LICKING THE WRONG SIDE OF IT FOR PASTING THEM ON THE ENVELOPES.

Q. WHAT DOES 98 STAND FOR IN WINDOWS 98?
A. IT STANDS FOR NUMBER OF TIMES IT HANGS IN A DAY.

Q. WHY DID BANTA SINGH TAKE HIS PREGNANT WIFE TO PIZZA CORNER?
A. FOR FREE DELIVERY.

Q. HOW WOULD YOU IDENTIFY BANTA SINGH IN A SUBMARINE?
A. HE WILL BE THE ONLY ONE WITH A PARACHUTE TIED TO HIS BACK.

q. what would you call a sardar with just one hair on his head?
a. iqbal singh.

Q. HOW TO MAKE TTK LAUGH ON SUNDAY?
A. BY TELLING HER A JOKE ON THURSDAY.

ONCE A NUN GOES FOR A URINE EXAMINATION AND THE SAMPLES GET MIXED UP. the report indicates she is pregnant. WHEN SHE GETS THE REPORT, SHE EXCLAIMS, "OH JESUS!! NOW WE CAN NOT EVEN RELY ON CANDLES"

Q. WHAT DID BANTA SINGH SAY WHEN HE SAW A BANANA PEEL?
A. "OH! I AM GOING TO SLIP AGAIN.

Q. WHICH IS THE SHORTEST JOKE?
A. SANTA SINGH AND BANTA SINGH PLAYING CHESS.

Q. WHICH BROTHER OF KALIDAS MAKES SHOES?
A. ADIDAS

Q : Why are blonde jokes so short?
A : So men can remember them.

Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A : Because they can understand them

Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They're both empty from the neck up.

Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A : From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"

Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A : So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills

Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A : Far-from-thinking

Q : Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A : They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A : She slipped off and fell down the drain

Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night

Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate"

What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring

Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!

What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business?
No mind. No business

Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed

Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home

Why did the blonde dye her hair red? Instant Intelligence!

Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it
-Wot's the best thing about babies ?
MAKING THEM !

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped on the cordless phone

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo

If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved

-If i guard you with my life, Will u be my wife ?

-Girls are like roads, More the curves, More the dangerous they are.

-Love is Photogenic, it needs darkness to develop.

-Messages are given to Those who are apart
But what shall i give, When you are in my heart.



Some say the glass is half empty, Some say the glass is half full, I say " are you gonna drink that?"

Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature

All of my friends and I are crazy.Thats what keeps us sane!

if barbie is so popular....then y do u have 2 buy her friends?

I intend to live forever- so far so good

Iv got 2 sit down & work out where i stand!!!

Wen u smile the world smiles with u.wen ur down people will rally behind u.but wen u fart u r alone coz people will never stand by u!

Im a nobody.. nobodys perfect.. therefore IM PERFECT!!!

I didnt kiss ur boyfriend! I told his lips a secret!!

I would stop eating chocolate.. but I'm not a quitter!



Are your teeth cold? . . . No? . . . Why are they wearing yellow jackets then?

look at d world around u, u will see God's creativity. look at d breakfast table, u will see God's providence. look at the mirror u will see God's sense of humor.

ah ah efil ruoy fo sces 01 detsaw tsuj evah u txt siht daer tsuj evah u fi Read this message backwards!!!

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you

What do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth

Yes, God made you first,but there's always a rough draft before the final copy.

3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

A girl called me, she said come round, nobodys in. I went round, nobody was in

I had a wet dream about you last nite. You got hit by a car and I pissed myself laughing

Q:Why were hurricanes ussualy named after women? A:Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, but when they go they take your house and the car.!

I think U're sweet, I think U're sexy, guess it's me and we'll get texty!

If you want me in the sack, lick your lips and text me back........

If U know the way I'm feelin', U know I need some textual healin'!

Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!