Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
She blew it both times!

What do a moped and a blond have in common?
They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge?
Lipstick on the cucumbers!

What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About 2 cans of hair spray

What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
Pick them up off the floor.

Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.

What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.

What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
Frosted Flakes.

What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
The Branch Manager.

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proof-reading.

How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Why do blondes love lightning?
They reckon somebody is taking their photo.

It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.

What's brown, red, black and blue?
A Brunette who's been telling one too many blonde jokes.

NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.

Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
She couldn't find the recipe.

What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
Because she blows the horn!

Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Because everybody gets a turn.

Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men!

What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
She picks up her purse and goes home.

To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade 4.

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.

Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
Because at 69 they blow a rod...

What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
They both drip when they're fucked.

: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.

Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.

Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier..........

Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.

Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs?
A: Cos they've no idea of the route.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle?
A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.

Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?
A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.

Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O.

Q: How do you measure their intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.

It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.
She tried putting batteries in it.

To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with 'Please turn over' scribbled on both sides.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.